i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
