Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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