Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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