Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
