9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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