the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
