but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Can Purell be used as lube?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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