I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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