you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
