Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I looked at my own cervix.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
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Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
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This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize