wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
