Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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