Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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