So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
