I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
