umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
