So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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