I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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