I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
