Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
