i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
