Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
