I wish i was in the wii world.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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