i just had sex bonerless
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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