she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
