her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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