its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you would pick up someone in the library
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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