What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My balls are so social today.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
