She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was like giving head to a cactus.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize