Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
