I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
