So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
