First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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