Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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