Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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