dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've blown a few things in my day
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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