I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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