I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
