Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize