the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
