His pubic hair was longer than his dick
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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