forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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