I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
