guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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