oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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