Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
