He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
