my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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