we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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