hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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