im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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