I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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