We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
