ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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