I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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