Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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