4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
