If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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