We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
